Don’t wake me

🎧listen here🎧

Dear God,

Sometimes I have dreams that make no sense.

I feel like they’re bigger than me.

Other times I feel like I’m not dreaming big enough.

I got soooo much I wanna do.

I wanna one day be an incredible wife.

I wanna be a really good mama to Ethan.

I wanna travel the world. I wanna meet people. I wanna write books. I wanna impact lives.

I wanna get on a freakin’ hot air balloon 😂

I have sooo much I wanna do and accomplish, but all that I wanna do means nothing if You aren’t in those dreams with me.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalms 37:4 (NLT)

Really God? REALLY????

If I can be honest, I kind of used to cringe a little internally when I heard this scripture.

How do I delight? Will You REALLY give me my heart’s desires?

How.does.this.work??!

These would be my questions and honestly, they STILL are my questions as I navigate this relationship with You.

But I’m learning. Oh, I am learning……

 

As I delight in You, You’re changing my desires and dreams. You’re molding them and making them more similar to Yours.

In a way, You’re becoming my dream, my heart’s desire.

It’s so weird, this relationship we have. I come into it with nothing, nothing to offer, nothing really to give a God who has all, but this relationship is one that truly gives me everything — rest, peace, assurance, hope, love, an incredible feeling that I am so much more than a relationship status or what I make or what I accomplish in this life…I’m loved, I’m cared for, I’m Yours.

Man, I delight in that.

This is so not where I meant this blog to go.

I was gonna talk about Joseph and how he had all these big, beautiful dreams that landed him in places he probably wished he’d never landed in (slavery and prison). But I guess this blog went where it was intended. Even in the pain, in the unknown, He trusted You, He followed You and his dreams did come true.

And the center of his was You.

Like Joseph, the center of MY dreams is You, God.

My life ain’t been glistening with gold.

I struggle with internal demons.

I don’t think I’m good enough many days.

I fall short.

I’ve been heartbroken.

I’ve been the one doing the heartbreakin’.

I’ve not been the best mama.

I’ve said mean things and had mean things said to me.

I am a mess. I’m a mess of a woman, with unrealistic, too-big dreams, that serves an invisible God.

This world tries to make me feel like You aren’t who You say You are and honestly, I even question You a lot of days.

But my life….

my life shows me that You have and always will be walking with me.

I can’t do this life without You God. You are my love. You are my hope. You have given me a new lease on life.

You are my dream. May I never ever wake up.

I’ll love You forever.

Your daughter, Key♥️