I can’t sleep, so I figure that this is the Holy Spirit’s way of saying, “Write Key, just write.”
God, let me start off by saying thank You.
You are making a change in me that I never saw coming. It’s crazy. I’ve seen people really make a 180 in their lives once they encounter You, but to actually be experiencing it for myself is insane to me.
I can’t wait to wake up to You in the mornings (though I move slow as molasses to get up early and start our day together). I get frustrated when I feel that our evening time together will be interrupted by my tiredness, my schedule, my scattered brain, and the many distractions that try to pull at me daily. I LOVE talking to You, laughing at stuff with You, and just sharing my heart with You.
I love how You’ve made me love me. I never thought I’d get here—never thought it was possible to look in the mirror and actually like the person I see looking back at me, and it’s all thanks to You.
All thanks goes to You, Your Son Jesus Christ, and the mighty Holy Spirit that is living in me, working in me, dwelling in me…the Holy Spirit has given me a boldness I didn’t think could exist in my life. I’m totally unapologetic about my faith. I read the Word and I actually believe it to be true. I can’t get enough of being in church. I can’t get enough of loving my family. I can’t get enough of wanting to make sure I include You in all parts of my day.
You. have. changed. me.
When I look at Ethan now, I want so bad to be a better mom. I want so bad to make You proud of me. I look at Ethan and I actually try to respond to him in a way that makes You smile. It takes work and I am definitely a working progress, but You’ve unlocked my heart and I love my son in such a different way now. You did that, Daddy. YOU are responsible for that change happening in me.
If I were to think of all the things that You have seen me through, all the doors You’ve opened and even closed (because You know the unknown and sometimes a closed door is a blessing that I didn’t even think I needed), I feel like my heart is about to burst with the love I have for You. I should be in tears every single time I mention You, meet with You, and talk to You. You’ve protected me from harm, You’ve healed my heart at times that I thought I couldn’t even breathe because my heart was so broken, and You’ve placed me in a circle of friends who have my back in a way that I never thought I deserved.
God, I love You so much and want Your will for my life so much that if that will of Yours did not include a husband, I’ll be ok. I never thought I’d see the day where I could write out that statement and mean it. I can say that because You fill my heart up so much so that I no longer feel empty. I no longer need a man to fill that void.
Now don’t get me wrong, Daddy. I do still have marriage on my prayer board and I do still have mustard seed faith that You are going to blow my mind with my love story, but if You say yes to marriage for me or if You say no, I’m good. I believe if You want singleness for me that You’ll fill up the spot that a spouse could. People can call me crazy all day; I believe that to be true, though.
God, I used to think that if You took Your Presence away from someone, that it’d be no big deal. I would be like, “Oookay. God is gonna take away His Presence if I continue in my sin. What’s the issue? It’s not like it’s death or something.”
Boy, was that a straight up dumb way of thinking.
I completely get why NO ONE should want Your Presence to ever leave. I finally get what the psalmist is saying in this scripture:
Psalm 51:11-12 (NLT)–
11 Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Being outside of Your Presence IS death. Being without Your Holy Spirit is death. Because we can’t possibly live for Jesus on our own strength (trust me, I’ve tried), we need the Holy Spirit to give power, wisdom, boldness, and all that’s needed for us to mature in Christ and become a church that’s holy and loving and in right standing with You.
Now I don’t know about everybody else, and the world can feel how it wants to feel about You. People can call me extra and think I’m doing way too much. But at this point in my life, I want all in with You and I don’t really care what anybody thinks. I care more about what You want now.
I’m finally asking for Your will in exchange for mine. I’m trusting that Your way is best. I’m falling head over heels in love with You for the first time. I never ever thought I’d get here, but here I am. Here I am Daddy, looking up at You, with child like faith, praying for more of You, praying that You never ever leave me.
I never want to be in a world where there is no You. That’s death to me. You and only You bring life. So I need You and I need You every single day.
As you know God, I’ve been playing the mess out of the new Elevation Worship album, Old Church Basement. Them with Maverick City Music was the perfect match and just about every single song is just indescribably good.
One song I LOVE LOVE LOVE is “Used To This.” In it, the following lyrics are sung so beautifully and so truthfully:
“If this is a glimpse of Heaven, I could get used to this. I could get used to this.
The fragrance of Your Presence, I could get used to this. I could get used to this.”
When I come in Your Presence and worship, I feel like it’s never enough, but I could definitely get used to wanting more of You. I could get used to sitting at Your feet, talking with You, and depending on You daily.
God, may You never leave me. May You touch not just my heart, but the heart of every single person reading this.
I have claimed to be a Christian all my life, but all my life I was living a lie. When you really encounter God, your actions and your heart show evidence of that encounter. Now, at this time, at the age of 33, finally, I’m evidence of a life touched by God, His Grace, and His Love.
Accept Him today. Talk to Him today.
Say yes to Jesus’ invitation and join me in getting used to this.