So, I’m truly confused about what to do next. This is one of those times where I’m freakin’ jealous of Jesus’ disciples. They had Him in the flesh to ask Him WHATEVER they wanted!!!!
Right now, I soooo want Jesus in the flesh. I’d say, “Look Jesus, is now the time to look for another job or be still? What about these bills? What about my purpose? Where do I go from here?????”
I don’t need Jesus in the flesh, though. He left His Word to give me all the direction I need.
5 Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this story: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You say to him, 6 ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.’ 7 And suppose he calls out from his bedroom, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and my family and I are all in bed. I can’t help you.’ 8 But I tell you this—though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence.
9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
When I read this, all I could think was: Come through shameless persistence! Come through!!!! I been claiming I’ve been knocking and seeking, but it hasn’t been as persistent, especially when I was working and surviving and just going through the motions for the most part.
Lord, this story is so simple, yet so profound. I never even read the entire story before until now. But that’s just how You roll, huh? I have something right there under my nose, and just at the right time, You move my head and make sure my eyes hit the exact passage that I need to shut me up. I love that. I do. But for real for real, Jesus. I’m scared and confused. Yes, I am hopeful and I trust You, but at the same time, I got real grown people bills. I got a car note and I got rent to pay. I want Ethan in a Christian school and that costs money. You also know that Ethan ain’t got the best hair on the planet. That means his Charlie Brown head self needs haircuts to look nice. Lord, shoot—I wanna look nice. I like nice things. I like traveling. On the flip side of that same coin, I want to get out of debt. I felt like I was finally about to get that under control, but how can I do that now? I couldn’t sleep well last night just thinking about this last check I got. Sure, I prayed and I feel like You gave me a crumb of what the next step is. But Daddy, I don’t want the crumb. I want the whole dang loaf of bread. This job loss is a blessing and a curse. A curse because I’m unsure of what to do next, but a blessing because why???
The blessing is just that–I don’t know what to do next.
This is exactly where You want me to be.
This will be where I will see Your Hand the most, probably more than I ever expected or even imagined. This is where I’ll experience my biggest breakthrough. I’m just sure of it. I feel it deep in my spirit. What’s crazy is that deep down, I’ve always feared a layoff. I’ve always feared wondering what I’d do with no benefits, no consistent lump sum coming to my bank account, no monies for funsies. But that’s my tiny human mind relying on money and not You. Even before this, I had a job and I’d STILL be short. But when the money ran out, You’d make a way. No gas, You made a way. No daycare funds, You used someone else to bless me. I ain’t missed no meals. I ain’t missed no funsies. I ain’t missed no nothing. Man, I think I’ve laughed more in these last few days than I have in a while. So that means I ain’t missed no joy, either. You are right here and this is where I meet You. With my doubts, with my fears, with my crazy business ideas. This is where I’m gonna knock and beat down that door with shameless persistence until You and my purpose open up and make way for me. I’m gonna knock like my life depends on it because it does. I believe You are true to Your Word. I believe that lying ain’t even in yo’ vocabulary.
Numbers 23:19 (NLT)
God is not a man, so he does not lie.
He is not human, so he does not change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised and not carried it through?
Your Word is truth, unchangeable, and oh, so on time. Your Word lacks nothing. Your Word is getting me through this.
Man, ya’ll, God actually spoke directly to me this week. We all know that verse about God’s plans to prosper you and not to harm you. But I never took notice of the following verse till this week.
In those days when you pray, I will listen.
You. The God of all creation. The busiest boss on the planet. The maker of man, of me, of my family and friends. You. are. listening. You know my bills. You know my fears. You know everything. But more than anything, You know what I’m capable of. You know that this is the start of something really beautiful. You know that I needed this push outside of my comfort zone. I truly believe that sometimes, God will move you away from people, move you away from places, move you away from situations that you’d never have the strength to move away from on your own. My view from where I am is this–(even with my dumb doubts and fears)–Take heart. This is where He starts doing His best work.
Lord Jesus. I need you now more than ever. My friends…I know they are a blessing straight from you. Sha says my words have power. Chas reminded me that I need to get in a quiet place to get into a position of servitude and complete surrender. But how? How do I do this? My thoughts are so loud. I’m crying now even writing this. I think I’m crying because I’m overwhelmed with a lot of emotions, but the biggest emotion is that I want, no, I NEED more of you. I wanna be consumed with more of You. I want Your presence. I want Your calling. I want You. As the first song I posted below says, “What more could I ask for?”
Get ready Lord. I may not know how to be shameless, but I’m sure about to be. Get ready, get ready because this shameless worship that is about to come from my heart is going to wow even You, my God.
Don’t believe me. Just watch.