“Ok hoe…😆 Lol…That is why you always be a single baby mama.” – a literal quote from a dude on a dating app
(You read that right and that’s exactly how it was sent, so don’t clown me for the sentence structure, lol)
That quote kicked off my weekend last Friday. I shared it with my friends and though they defended me hard like the great friends they are, I assured them I was good and we had a good laugh. I figured, why not share this with my blog fam, too?
So, picture this y’all. It’s Friday, I’m home getting some work done and BAM. I get this text from a guy that I met on a dating site, which I ain’t gone name, but for me, the site was a bust (what happened in this convo further proves it). Anyway, so this guy is like, “Good morning beautiful. What you doing this weekend?”
Ummmm….I’m clueless because that’s a text you’d get from someone you been talking to and I haven’t had any person of interest since earlier this year (which didn’t work out.. another story for another time). Anyway, my point is, this was a person I don’t know, texting with a familiarity that’s just weird. So, of course I’m like, “Who is this?” He tells me his name and from what app we exchanged numbers from. Then he proceeds to send me a bunch of pics, which I do recall from his profile at the time. But this allll was STILL weird to me because we exchanged numbers on that app MONTHS ago. The convo went nowhere and we never went out on any date or even spoke on the phone from what I recall. So in my mind, he was a no for me and I was a no for him, and I kept it moving.
The plot thickens here, y’all.
I’m thinking all this stuff in my mind about why he’s texting like we cool, how he must be bored, how whoever he initially picked over me must ain’t work out, all while he asks, “Do you remember me now or should I keep moving and erase your number?”
Ummmmm 🤨 say what, sir?
Again, I have soooo many thoughts. Y’all, I’m such an overthinker sometimes that I’m literally exhausted at the end of the day with just how busy my mind is.
So I honestly pause. I let this marinate. And I’m like should I give this dude a chance? Like, am I writing him off without the full story? I even ask God to let me know what direction to move in cuz these days, writing people off quick is easier (and yes, not always the best trait to have, but def proved to be in this situation).
So, I tell him that he didn’t seem interested at the time, so he can erase. I even told him to have a good weekend. I really meant that, too.
And his response was the beautiful quote that started this blog that hopefully you’re still reading. Yepppp, that’s what he said, y’all.
“No need to be disrespectful. Please erase and take care.”
There were so many other things that went through my mind of what to say. I wanted to tag his tail about weaponizing my profile bio. (I will always let it be known on any profile that I’m a single mom of one kid cuz really, why lie about it?) I wanted to clown him for scrolling through his phone for random dates. I wanted to rain down the fire of God and tell him that the Lord will severely get him soon, lol. I had soooo many thoughts on responses, but I’m glad the response I sent was what I landed on. I’m even more glad that God revealed exactly what I needed. Because Heaven forbid I would’ve went out with him and later had to find out he thinks this way.
What has me feeling over the moon, though?
That I can LAUGH at this. I’m not wrecked over it. I’m good good. And that right there is a praise report in and of itself.
I am pretty open about my desire for marriage, about my dating adventures, and about my internal struggles.
I want marriage. I want love. But peace….
I want that even more.
It’s so good to discover me again. If you follow me in any capacity, I’ve been going places (lots of times, solo, by choice). I’m enjoying my life again. I’m doing that because I don’t want to go back to being in a dark room, under the covers, having my son worry and ask if I’m ok.
I never want to go back there.
I know everyday won’t be sunny skies, but I want to know that rain don’t last always.
I’m finding things in God’s Word that I knew, but didn’t know know.
I’m coming to realize that the Devil will never be my homeboy. He ain’t gone never stop by, dap me up and ask, “How can I make life easier for you, Christian woman? Lemme help you out?” He’s the Devil. He hates us as God’s creation and only seeks to kill, steal, and destroy.
I’m replaying stuff in my mind. There have been times I’ve been so low and sad in my loneliness that I’ve told God that I’ll take his “ok” in a mate and not His best. I’ve told myself that maybe that ain’t what I deserve. Well, gone are those days, honey.
Yes, I still wake up everyday fighting insecurities and comparison (I know a TON of awesome people, so it’s so easy for me to compare and feel like I fall short). I fight rejection. I fight thoughts of past loves or potentials walking away from me and making me feel like I wasn’t enough, like I’m still not enough…always a single baby mama.
But what’s different is that I’m trying to do better about managing my time, my boundaries, and who gets access to my heart. Most importantly, I’m working to do better with managing my mind. I’m trying to submit thoughts to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
I’m embracing the fact that I was created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27).
I’m changing. I honestly hope reading this encourages you to change, too.
For now, I’m gonna keep those screenshots I took of that convo because I wanna remember how I’m soooo much more than a single baby mama. I’m ETHAN’S mama. I co-parent these days with grace. I am loyal. I love hard. Whoever is a recipient of my love, my smile, my hugs, my very presence is blessed. When I compliment you, I mean it. I’m not perfect, but I was created by the Creator who is. So yes, for now, I’m a single baby mama, but that title ain’t scaring me. I have a God who can deliver me from every single one of my fears. Let Him deliver you, too.