Last night was an emotional one for me.
I was tired from my work commute.
My brain was exhausted.
I was and am tired of going to bed alone.
I sat in bed and just cried.
Don’t get me wrong. I ain’t depressed right now. I just have moments where I tell God that though I love Him and I’m good all in all, I’m still tired of the waiting game, the not knowing, the unanswered questions.
I’m just simply tired.
If you know anything about me from my past blogs, you’d know that I ain’t got the best internal picker when it comes to men.
I have tried the friends with benefits thing. I’ve tried casual dating. I’ve done the dating without a purpose or plan thing. Shooooot, I even dated long distance for a year and never even met a friend or family member of the man.
I love love soooo much, but man—love has really put me through the ringer.
Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve been in one relationship where God approved.
I can just imagine Him looking at my dating choices over the years and saying to Himself—
Here she go again. This ain’t gone work, daughter. Nope. Nopeeeeee. Don’t give him ya number. There you go, giving him your number anyway🤦🏽♂️
Really? You responding to a midnight text? YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!
He’s not it. You’re bored. You’re lonely, but I got so much better for you.
Why won’t you just trust Me?
God is a such a good parent. And like any good parent you know, sometimes He’ll watch us, just watch us, fall right on our butt.
You ever fell on your butt before?
(If you’ve fallen physically, I feel you. I remember this one time in college, I was walking real hard and fast on campus, you know..my normal walk, lol…and whoop. I slipped in some grass and fell on my butt. I was so shamed y’all. I looked around to see who saw and I didn’t see nobody, but I’m sure someone, somewhere, was laughing. Anyways, back to what I was saying 😆).
The fall on your butt I’m speaking of is life. You know, those “keep livin’” moments my mama always speaks of that annoy my soul.
You ever made a bad financial decision?
That’s you fallin’ on your butt.
You ever went home from the club with that dude or chick that you know ain’t right?
Yep. That’s you fallin’ on ya butt.
You ever did anything or said anything that you still regret to this day?
Welcome to butt fallin’ my friend.
I love God though.
He can watch us fall. He can watch while we choose others over Him. He is patient while we date below our standards. He is waiting while we make up our minds about whether to trust Him or not.
He’s a great parent and a good good Father.
He knows when to step in and save us at just the right time.
“I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you.” -Isaiah 46:4 NLT
I just love that Scripture so much.
I love even more that though my heart may be heavy some days in my singleness, I’m gonna be ok.
“Jesus has the power of God.
And his power has given us everything we need to live a life devoted to God.
We have these things because we know him.
Jesus chose us by his glory and goodness,”
-2 Peter 1:3 ERV
I have everything I need.
Lemme give you one more version of this verse cuz it made me feel all bougie when I read it.
“For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue).” -2 Peter 1:3 AMPC
He bestowed upon us all things.
I have everything I need to wait.
We, as singles, have been given everything we need to wait and wait well.
God would never call me or you to this season or ANY season and leave us hangin’.
He ain’t that type of dad.
I used to think He was, though.
I used to think God was just watching me and tryna find ways to punish me in love or keep things from me, but the more I take inventory of my butt falls, the more I realize that had I listened to Him, really listened, I would have saved myself and my heart mountains of trouble and pain.
If you’re in this boat with me, be encouraged.
God will sustain us.
He’s the best parent there is. Let’s follow Him and trust that the best is yet to come.
Thank You. I was crying last night, but I looked up some Scripture, talked to You, actually got tickled by the audio reader on the Bible app and I went to sleep in peace. Thank You for that. You give me peace. You give me joy. You make my life whole. I definitely get sad sometimes, but I’m seeing now that in my sadness, I’m never alone. Jesus You be right in the valley with me. May I never forget that. May we never forget that You meet us in our highest moments, with laughter and joy, and our lowest moments of tears and pain. You are the God of all comfort, all seasons…all. You are the God of all.
Help us to heal. Help us to trust You.
Help us to know that we’re safe with You.
I’ll love You forever.