Today I stayed home from work because I wasn’t feeling well physically. But if I can be honest, I haven’t been feeling too hot spiritually either.
I don’t know why I be trippin’ like this, but often times I get in this rut and it takes me awhile to get out. I’m realizing this rut is weariness.
I’m weary.
I’m weary from worry. Soooo many worries (or at least it feels like so many) bombard my mind and heart and I feel like they’ll eventually take me under.
I’m weary from trying to be a good parent and thinking that maybe my parenting style sucks while Ethan’s dad that’s filled with plans and structure has it altogether.
I’m weary from being alone. Yes, I know God is enough. His presence is enough and He’s been too good to me, but dang it, I want a man. I want to go on a date. I want to be kissed. THIS IS HARD.
I’m tired. I’m weary. I’m not doing enough for the kingdom. My schedule is too busy, but not busy enough. I don’t want to sit still with God because what if He stays silent? Or worse…what if He wants me to do something I’m not wanting to do???
This internal struggle…the desire to do it God’s way…why continue? Why keep trying to live for Jesus if I keep running into these moments of feeling empty and weary???
Jesus.
I can’t give up on Him.
Jesus. My Hero. My Knight. My Light in the darkness. My Savior.
I may not feel super close to Him now. I may have very little convo to give Him these days, but my heart knows He’s near. My soul knows He ain’t going nowhere.
“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3 NIV
I love that, but y’all know I gotta give you another version that I love even more –
“Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!” Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
That.
That’s why I have to keep going.
This is why I have to get my eyes back on the Lord.
I can’t give up.
Even though I’m weary.
Even when I feel like my faith is fake.
Even if I don’t get a date for a whole ‘nother (and yes, I said ‘nother, lol) year….
I have to keep going.
I prayed this morning and I think one of that last things I told God was that I don’t feel like I have purpose.
As soon as I was done I got a voice message from one of my close friends, someone I really love and can share my heart with and she shared tearfully that she asked God for friendship and community and she’s so thankful she was led to me.
That got me crying because wow.
WOW.
I’m an answer to somebody’s prayer.
I get to pray with and love on others.
I am not in this thing alone.
Ya’ll, God is still God. He is still faithful. He is still moving. He is still good. If He created you, you have purpose. It’s not too late. God Himself is never late and if you’re still here, there’s a reason why.
Don’t give up.
Don’t let the weary wear you down.
Fix your eyes on Jesus and keep going.
Someone needs your yes.
Someone is watching your faith.
Some soul could get saved from your obedience.
Just.keep.going.
Jesus, help us to not give up.
We love You.
❤️Key
