(Listen🎧⬆️⬆️⬆️)
If I can be honest, watching my son, Ethan, be a lil’ working man is getting on my nerves.
Mind you, I LOVE that my son ain’t lazy and wants to work, but between being his chauffeur, trying to manage him wanting to work hours that make zero sense, AND trying to manage my own freakin’ life without losin’ it… I am one stressed-out mama most days.
I told Ethan when he started working that skipping church would be a non-negotiable. God allowed him to get that job, so I would not allow him to put God on the back burner after being blessed.
Ethan agreed.
I think Ethan thought I was playin’ though. Because after one long Saturday shift for him that bled into the wee hours of Sunday morning, he must’ve thought I was gonna let him sleep in.
Nope. I said what I said the first time. Skipping church was a “no.”
At first, he was pushing through. He was exhausted, but pushing through.
But this past Saturday caught up with him. He worked allll day Saturday and into the night, only to be woken up by me early in the morning on Sunday because I had to be at church by 6:30 am to serve.
He looked tired, like realllly tired, but I told him to get it together so we could go to church.
I had no idea my baby was truly sick.
He struggled all throughout the service. I was HOT. MAD. Hot as fish grease thinking, “You wanted to work that job and those dumb hours, and now you can barely stay up in church.”
I mean, I couldn’t even enjoy the service, ya’ll, I was so mad at him.
I finally just sent him to the car so I could wrap up serving after church.
Church ends, and I get to my car, and I see he’s upset and having a nosebleed.
I felt like the worst mama in the world.
I immediately went into “care mode.”
I tended to his nose, calmed him down, and made sure he was good.
I felt soooo bad. I really, really did.
He told me he’d been having nosebleeds the day before and wasn’t feeling great, but didn’t want to complain.
I was so mad that he kept all of this from me. I was so angry because I could’ve gotten him medicine. I could’ve been monitoring him properly. I more than likely would’ve made him call in sick to work (something I know he wouldn’t have wanted, but who cares when it comes to his health?)
I passionately told Ethan, “Let me be your mama! It’s my job to take care of you. Please don’t take that away from me.”
All he could do was sit stunned and respond with a quiet “ok.”
I got so worked up in saying that, but it’s true. I love Ethan. He’s my kid. He can get on my nerves, sure, but he’s mine. I will do whatever I can to make life better for him, to fight for him, to love him, to care for him.
But then it got me to thinking later on….
What if God, our Father, were saying that to US today?
“Let Me be your Father.”
”Let Me carry that hurt for you.”
”Let Me help you with that problem.”
”Let Me in so I can heal that.”
”Let Me be what you need.”
“Let Me fight for you.”
“Let Me care for you. Please, just let Me.”
I go through life, knowing that God is there, and He loves me, and He wants what’s best for me. But knowing this and actually living in this truth daily is so hard for me to accept.
I’m used to making all the decisions, running my home, caring for Ethan, doing what I think is best day after day after day. It’s on me. It’s all on me, and I’m alone is this – that’s how I think.
But if I could imagine for a second how it may hurt God to know that all He wants to do is help, all He wants to do is love me, all He wants to do is show me a better solution, a better way, but I turn my back on Him to tell Him I can handle it….man. That breaks my heart.
I am so sorry, God. I really am.
Man, that brings tears to my eyes.
We have a choice.
We can try to do it all ourselves and completely wear ourselves out OR, we can trust God with all of it.
ALL of it.
“He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.” – Psalm 23:3 (NLT version)
I love this version so much more, though –
“He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him—not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake.”
– Psalm 23:3 (AMPC version)
When we come to Him, He’ll refresh and restore us. He’ll give us the care we need.
And honestly, who doesn’t love being cared for?
Let’s bring it all to Him today, ya’ll – the worries, the fears, the pain, the tears, ALL of it.
He can handle our burdens. It’s time we hand them over.
God, My Daddy, the One Who cares for me perfectly –Â I need You. Help me to surrender. Teach me what that means. You’ll have to remind me daily because I so quickly forget. Help me and the reader (or listener) of this blog to know You truly are with us, that You care for us, and that You will take care of us. Show us the better way. Teach us to relinquish control and allow You to be God. You’re so good at it. Help us to trust that You are. Help us to trust You.
I’ll love You forever,
🤍 Key
