When I was little, I loved the movie Aladdin. I mean, come on now. Who wouldn’t want to rub a lamp, to find some big blue dude that would grant you three wishes? If that’s not impressive to you then I’m jelly because you’re obviously livin your very best life, lol. Anyway, I would think about all of the things I’d ask for if I had a genie. Hmmm, I’d want a ton of money. I’d want my family to be set for life, and as always, you gotta throw in world peace or people would look at you funny.

I’ve come to the realization that in my prayer life and even in my relationship in general with the Lord, the majority of my prayers is just me askin for a bunch of stuff. “God, give me money so I can pay this bill, please.” “God, help me not snap on this girl.” “God, I don’t wanna get the flu, so keep the germs away.” Ya’ll don’t wanna even hear the real dumb stuff I ask for. “Lord, I really want this weave; can I put it on a payment plan?” “God, you see that standing bath tub? I want that right there.” (Mind you, I don’t even have a house to put it in). “Man, Lord. That dude hot. Can you put in a good word for ya girl?”(Hey, I figure since God made everyone, if I wanna holla at someone, God is the best wingman, lol). All jokes aside, I come to God all the time with this huge wishlist, and I never really stop to think how God feels. I just show up at His feet figuring I want, You give. I mean, You’re God, so you can make anything happen, right? Here are my wishes so grant them for me, God. How messed up is that?

Cody Carnes did an interview regarding the song he wrote, “Nothing Else.” In it, he mentioned how he has a son and how much it would hurt him if all his son ever did was come to him asking him for stuff. He described how horrible he’d feel. I myself have been all up in my feelings like Drake when all Ethan ever seems to do is ask me for this or that. I think to myself: “I mean, I give you everything little circle faced dude. Is it not enough? Why can’t you just be grateful for what I already worked so hard to give you??” Ouch! I’m sure that’s EXACTLY how our heavenly Father feels. Give me this. Pay this bill. Save me from this. Fix that. Bless my plan. Throwing tantrums, pouting, shaking my imaginary fist in the air when things don’t go my way. I do ALL that and then some. God, you don’t deserve that. You are not my genie. You are my Daddy.

The word says in Ephesians 3:20, “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Infinitely.  I looked that up because I’m a nerd like that sometimes and it means an infinite extent or amount; without limit; to a very great degree; immensely. WHHHHHAAAA??? Picture your biggest dream or your deepest desire. Yeah, that one. He can top it. IMMENSELY. And He doesn’t even have to live in a lamp or grant you any wishes to do it. If that’s my God and how He operates, what the heck I need a genie for then? Even with this amazing word in Ephesians, I have to remind myself that God is indeed able to do way more than what I could ever ask, imagine, or think. However, that does not mean that He is bound to my wishlist. He’s not. I can’t keep coming to God just throwin my wishlist at Him and walkin off. That’s not how a relationship works. If anyone I loved ever did that to me, I’d cut them off so quick it wouldn’t even be funny. Yet, we expect God to be cool with that treatment. It’s not right and it’s not fair. I’m sorry that I do that to you, God. I really am. You don’t deserve that.

What’s insane about God is that even in my selfishness and my dumb wishlist, He incorporates HIS wishlist in my life. And every wish of His finds a way to blow my mind immensely. Prime example: I be broke..a lot.. and it’s mainly because I make poor financial choices (like crab legs and weave..I’m def working on that, ya’ll. ). But my mom told me one day, “To be so broke, you sholl be happy all the time.” You’re right, ma. I am. I’m so happy. God promised me joy and I have it all the time. I can’t remember ever really asking God, “Please give me joy.” He just does it, even on my worst days. Another thing about me is that sometimes I keep things bottled in. I tend to do that alot. When things bother me, I shut down and don’t want to talk about it. Like not too long ago, I got really mad at my best friend and I was like so done with him. I told God that I didn’t even care about that friendship anymore (knowing dang well I was lyin). Well, out of the blue, my best friend calls. I vented, we laughed, and clowned and it was all good. He straight up said, “God must have wanted me to call you.” He was right, and I didn’t even ask God about that. He just knew I needed that phone call, so He made it happen. HOW WILD IS THAT??

God continually surpasses dreams and desires I didn’t even know I had! Who would’ve thought that by agreeing to serve in the Passion Conference this year that I’d get to sit in on my fave artist Andy Mineo’s sound check super early in the morning? I got to see my favorite preacher and not just see her, sit at a table with her and eat and have her laugh at how silly I am. No one could have ever made me believe that I’d be here. That I’d have people reading my words. But that’s what I love about God. He always outdoes Himself and doesn’t even warn you lol. It’s crazy. It’s crazy that I even come with a wishlist when I serve a God that blows that list out of the water. If I know all this to be true, then why do I still come to Him, with list in hand, demanding He adhere to my plan? I don’t know why. Maybe it’s fear. I’m so scared that if I don’t make it clear to God what I want, He’ll keep some awesome thing from me. I’m scared I’ll have to give up stuff I don’t want to give up. I’m scared He’ll make me give up my playlist. Ya’ll, I know that sounds really really dumb, but I seriously be thinking sometimes, “Is God really cool with me bumpin Cardi?” I mean, hey, I’m saved, but ratchet. I love Cardi B and Drake. I like jamming to Ciara and H.E.R. Do I have to give up music? “Please no, Jesus. Take away whatever you want, but not Cardi, lol.”

What does trusting God’s list look like? Will you fail me, Lord? I know you won’t but I’m still scared. As long as you’re doing what the world is doing, the enemy won’t bother you. Satan doesn’t see you as a threat. But the second you make up your mind to follow Jesus, it’s like he gets a SWAT team together to take you out. Old boos be callin. Your car gets a flat tire. Everybody wanna invite you for drinks, and they buying. I just ain’t up for all that pressure, Jesus. I don’t want to deal with it. I want to stay under the radar, but You won’t let me. Your list scares me because I know it’ll mean pruning, and growing and I’m scared of all that. Even with me fearing all of that and then some, I’m slowly (and I do mean slowly) seeing that my list will never ever compare to the plans God has for us. His plans, His list is always better. His plans are never to just bless us only, but other people are going to be blessed THROUGH us. And isn’t that what this faith walk is all about? Not keeping salvation all to ourselves? Letting folks know that our God is indeed good?

I took a trip this past weekend, and while on the plane, I got annoyed that this guy sat next to me. I wanted that middle seat free to enjoy lots of room. I was straight up getting an attitude in my head. He looked uncomfortable and stressed, though. I just sat there for a minute figuring I could just go back to reading my book, but after realizing how tense he looked, I took my ear buds out and started to talk to him. I found out that his girlfriend had just broken up with him and he was having such a hard time coping with it. We talked about that. We talked about food. We talked about our parents and how he’d never been to New Orleans. (Man that city is lit, lol. I told him he HAD to go, lol). We talked till it was time to get off the plane and he thanked me for talking to him because had I not, he said he would’ve thought about that breakup the whole flight. Wow. WOOOOWWW. I got used by God. ME? KEY! Imagine if I hadn’t been obedient to the Holy Spirit and not talked to this guy? Now, I personally get to pray for him by name. This is an experience that I would never have on my wishlist, but it was on God’s. How amazing!!!!!

God, I know stuff will come against me for writing this, and it freaks me out. But I will trust Your list. I will. Take my list and destroy it because there’s absolutely no way my petty plans can compare to the infinite wisdom and knowledge and power you have and will use in my life if I just submit to You. Bye bye genie. I don’t need you. Bye bye list. I don’t need you, either. God, You and Your list, Your heart, Your plan, is all I need.