Last night I went out on a non-date. Yes, people. It was a non-date because clearly a date date has rules, such as:

-You dress up (I had on my body sculpting jeans and that’s a normal everyday thing to me-big ups to Walmart for always making a girl look like she got a shape)

– You get super nervous right before (I wasn’t)

-You wonder if this is the start of some beautiful relationship and if he’ll ask you out numerous more times and if ya’ll will fall in love and have 3 kids and a house and all that stuff that really only happens in a movie (I just wondered about how long it would take to get to Papadeaux from my parents house)

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because this was someone that I was once interested in, but am no longer interested in, but who I think is still cool enough to hang with since we got similar likes, but for whatever reason, I called it a non-date. Anyways, prior to the non-date, I did set boundaries for myself. (Say what you want, but non-date or not, I gotta have someone holding me accountable because I’m still a single woman who loves Jesus, but who also loves affection and hand-holding and kisses, and all that mushy stuff). So, I put out an SOS to my girls to let them know I’m going out and that they need to pretty much make sure that I’m not out here living recklessly like Drake, being on my worst behavior.

I get to the non-date and it’s fun. I mean, I really enjoy this guy’s company. The food was good (duh, it’s Papadeaux), the atmosphere was poppin. It was a good vibe goin on. Then, comes the moment of truth (queue dramatic music)–out comes the check. If this is a non-date, that means I pay for mines and he pays for his, right? Does it even matter? I have no clue. At the end of the day, he paid. How nice, right? On this non-date, he paid, and of course I gotta be funny. “So, you a balla now, huh?” We laugh, and I look at the time and it’s only like 8:45p.m. I repeat, it’s only like 8:45p.m. Ethan is out (because these days, his life is more exciting and busy than mines), and I really don’t want to go home yet. He asks, “Well, what do you want to do?” Oh, Jesus. The Christian Key is like, oh wrap up the night. Time to go home. You got church tomorrow. Take. yo. butt. home. The worldly Key is like, girl, go chill at his place and watch a movie.

I went with worldly Key’s response.

Look, don’t judge me.

We get to his house and it’s super chill. I get water to drink, we hang on the couch, we for real chill. What’s funny is that as soon as I sat down, Ethan calls. “Hey, Ma. We at the monster truck show and it’s loud.” “Duh, Ethan. I know where you are and I know it’s loud, so why you callin?” It’s so loud that he can’t hear and hangs up. I call back, only to hear more loud noises. At this point, I’m getting annoyed with all the hanging up and calling back. I guess Ethan feels this because he texts me the funniest/cutest thing ever.

“I’m checking on you.”

What the heck? Why? LOL. He’s like 9, so why check on me?

I finally put the phone down and head back to the couch. We watch a bunch a trailers and laugh and talk (hey, we both love some movies), and eventually, my phone alarm goes off, alerting me that it’s time to leave. I get to my phone to turn the alarm off, and there goes my sis sending me the eye emoji,👀reminding me that she just wants to hold me accountable and she takes the job very seriously (thank you, E, for real, thanks for the emoji). He walks me to my car. We hug and say our goodbyes and tell each other that maybe we’ll catch a movie soon. That, my friends, was my non-date.

It’s weird. I left actually feeling good that I didn’t do anything stupid or that I didn’t ignore any texts or calls to take my butt home, but I felt strange that I am 31 years old and I feel lost at the whole dating scene. In the church, I feel like it’s preached heavily that the man has to find me. It’s he who finds a wife, not she that finds a hubby. But, is that really correct? Times are so different now. Online dating is what’s up, and I have tried them ALL, lol. Bumble, POF, interracial match.com (hey, Key is all about all races mattering), Christian mingle, all of that. I put myself out there and most times you get back weirdo creeps who don’t even take the time to read your profile. (If they did, they’d know I clearly say I’m a Christian who wants no hook-ups or catfishin). It’s so confusing. I mean, here I am, this amazing, bomb woman (Key finally loves herself, so excuse me for the confidence, lol), and I don’t know what the heck God wants me to do. I am FINALLY loving my singleness (it took forever to get here), but sometimes, I want to date. Sometimes I want to watch a movie for grown-ups with another grown-up that ain’t a woman. Sometimes I want to hang out at a guy’s place and not feel bad about it. Is there anything wrong with that?

I just wish sometimes that God would beam down from Heaven and tell me exactly when and where “the one” will be if He has seriously called me to marriage one day. I wish God would give me some sort of dating playbook. Did Jesus ever date? I’m sure women stayed tryna holla at Him. I mean, come on now. Jesus performed miracles. Jesus had homies. Jesus was freakin Jesus. How did he handle women in His time? Don’t laugh at me. I’m sure some of ya’ll have thought these things to yourself, and if you haven’t, welcome to my world. Lord, I don’t know what the future holds or if it’ll include marriage. I don’t know. I do know that I’m trying to do things your way and I stumble sometimes. Even in my stumbling, I gotta recall the verse that I choose to live by; the verse that is my heart’s prayer:

Psalm 138:8 (ESV Version)- The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.

I may be wrong, but to me, this means, I may try to go my own path, but if I truly believe in the Lord (and I do), and if I truly am trying to follow Him (and I am), He will work out the rest. He won’t abandon me. He won’t abandon me while I post that dumb profile of mines on Bumble. He won’t abandon me on any of my non-dates. He won’t leave me hangin. He has a purpose and a plan just for me, and you, and everyone else, and He has a specific person (if we are called to be married) who will help us in fulfilling our God-given purpose. I am a true believer in that. I truly believe that God won’t hook us up with just no anybody because our destinies are somehow tied to who we get tied to, and that’s a HUGE deal. Maybe that’s why God takin so dang on long with me, lol. I don’t know. What I do know for sure is that just like Ethan, my God is constantly checkin’ on me. (that steadfast love is no joke ya’ll, and I’m all for it when it comes to God). So, yes, I may not know anything about dating. I may be at a complete loss on how to be single in a world that is so against what my heart knows God wants, but as long as I know that God ain’t goin anywhere, I’m chillin.

With God, I’m not forsaken and I’m not forgotten, and no online dating service or non-date will ever be able to change that.