Faith feeling faulty?

God has been taking way too long with hooking me up with a mate and because of this, I decided to take my love life into my own hands.

Because I’m so brilliant and I think I can rush what God clearly won’t, I went all out—I mean I’m on Match.com, eHarmony, Bumble. You know, putting myself out there.

WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE TELL ME DATING THESE DAYS IS LIKE ENTERING YOURSELF INTO THE HUNGER GAMES? Let’s just say the odds were definitely not in my favor.

I encountered dead end convos, nude pics (that I did not request), and men whose profiles stated “Christian,” that were nothing of the sort. I mean is it so wrong that I want what I want when I want it?? I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City— “WHERE IS HE??” (Side note—if you are looking for hook ups or nasty convo, why claim to be a Christian?? What church do you attend?? What Bible are you reading?? Are we talking to the same God because I’m confused? Ok, I’m done ranting).

Even though I have clearly crashed and burned with my whole plan of getting ahead of God and being aggressive in my dating search, I can’t even get mad. I really can’t. I am so a person that wishes God would take away my free will a lot of times, but if He did, where would the fun be in that? How could I make mistakes that I’d later learn from? How would I be able to run back to God with my tail between my legs every time I do something dumb if there were no free will at all? (Don’t judge me please, lol).

Let me make my disclaimer. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I love love. I’m a hopeless romantic. I will cry most times when a love story works out even though it may be EXTRA predictable. I like taking PTO for Valentine’s Day just so I can treat myself to lunch and make myself feel special even though I’m usually solo or my plus one is a little boy who can’t pay for my dinner or his. That’s just me. So, because that’s me and God created me, I know deep in my heart of hearts that somehow, He is going to blow my mind with a fantastic love story…. I think. That’s the issue; I feel like He will, but at the same time I am not 100% sure.

But what I am sure of is that I’m tired of waiting for it.

In all seriousness, my faith has been faulty. I’m not too ashamed to admit that.

I looked up the definition of faulty and this jumped out at me:

fault·y

/ˈfôltē/

adjective

having or displaying weaknesses

Yep, that’s me. Some days I feel like my faith is soooo strong that I can scale any mountain and overcome just about anything. But truthfully, most days it’s the exact opposite.

I let fear overtake my thoughts and put me in panic mode. I stress over the future. I cringe at the thought of having yet another dateless year.

My faith in God and His plan for my life (specifically my love life) is weak.

But how can I say I’m a believer and at the same time have a weak faith??!

Thank the Lord that His Word never makes me feel like I’m abnormal. Thank the Lord that His Word provides an antidote for my faulty faith.

2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT- Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Even in my weakest moments, even when my faith is barely a flicker, in comes Jesus just being Jesus. He reminds me that I’m not on this walk alone. My weakest moments are some of my strongest because He is there, working through me, working behind the scenes, making sure I’m okay. I am in awe of the God I serve because He never leaves me alone to work things out by myself.

2020 was not one of our best years. With the pandemic, the world having a lot of craziness going on, and just all the changes we’ve had to endure have not been easy. With all that goes on in the world, we may tend to think that our situation will never get better and we lose sight of showing people the way to Christ. I myself haven’t done a great job at being a light in a lost world. I mean, life is hard sometimes. And some people may not even feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But with this new year, this new day, we have new chances. A chance to strengthen our faith. A chance to get off our butts and go after that dream God placed in our hearts. A chance to be a better person to those around us. Now, more than ever, the world is looking for real believers and I for one, want to be known as real. Living for the Lord can be hard, and the Lord never promised that everything in this life would be easy. I may never ever see marriage and just being honest, that saddens me, deeply. But you want to know why we believers keep believing?? You really want to know why KEY keeps believing and trusting and hoping even though I have no clue what comes next? Because of the joy I find in Christ alone. He soothes my heart. He gives me hope. He calls me to step outside my fears and take His hand and I promise, after always trying to do things my way, His way is ALWAYS better.

My faith may flicker and get all dim, but my faith is never never extinguished completely. I pray that anyone reading this gets hope. If your faith is weak, don’t forget to run to the One who makes us strong. The world may try to tell us that all is lost, or question where God is. The world may not even want to acknowledge God anymore or that His Word is true. We, as believers, are tasked to show the world that God is still God. I think now more than ever that we should cling to God’s Word, depend on Christ to strengthen us and do as the Word instructs—

Colossians 1:23 (NLT)- But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.

We, like Paul, need to proclaim God’s Word and rest in it. I, Key, need to proclaim God’s Word and rest in it. I may have a faith that sways like the wind, but I serve a God that always stands firm. Give Him your faulty faith. Give Him your heart. Give Him all of you and watch Him move.

❤ Key