So yeah, what a month it’s been!
I realized some stuff that I didn’t realize before:
-I love living with my brother, but it’s time for me to be the real big sister and figure out how to get my own spot (which terrifies me).
-I am completely overwhelmed about thoughts of wanting my own Christian business.
-People tend to work on THEIR time, not yours and ya gotta be ok with that.
-I HATE budgeting…well that’s not a new realization. I just wanted to make that known to y’all!
Seriously, though— I HATEEEEE budgeting, but debt SUCKS! Oh Papadeaux and Jesus (my favorite server), I can’t come every week to see y’all no mo😭
-And the most important realization of the month:
When you get for real about Jesus and become vocal about it, the TESTS WILL COME!
This past weekend I stressed to my circle how bad I needed sister time. And because they are who they are (amazing, dope, alllll the good adjectives), they made it happen. (Big ups to my sister, my friend, my soror Ericka who opened up her home and even had her bomb DJ boo with the jams for us 🙂 ).
Before the painting & s’mores commenced and before anyone else showed, I had an honest conversation with two of my sisters, Daeja and Ericka, about what all has been bothering me.
I started explaining all that I’m going through—the internal struggles, the heavy external stuff that I’m dealing with (I’ll address this when the time is right) and mainly the stuff concerning my brother and I (I love my brother soooo much, but even though I’m older, I hate expressing my feelings to him especially when he’s so hard to read).
Everything just felt so heavy and I just felt so overwhelmed that I started to cry.
I think I cried harder because of my brother.
Please know that he’s done absolutely nothing wrong to me and he has always ALWAYS looked out for me even though he’s my baby brother. It’s just that sometimes I feel like maybe he doesn’t care for us living together even though he ain’t said a thing. I get all worked up by imagined problems I’ve created in my head.. y’all I be all in my feelings about so much and I’m one of those people that make up whole arguments in my head like they’ve already happened when I’m sure my brother got everything BUT me on his mind.. I mean the man juggles a lot already.
In the tears, I said that I get that I’d be tested, but it’s just hard.
It’s super hard to me when it’s concerning family because they are so close to my heart. I LOVE my family, so disrupting any peace with them, my core, my heart and I get a bit shook.
Well, leave it to my bday twin Deaja to break down things for me. I can’t recall verbatim what she said, but in a nutshell, she told me to have my moment and that it’s ok to have my moment. She and Ericka both encouraged me to just cry, let it all out. But basically after that, I gotta get right. Deaja stressed that if I just said myself that I know tests are gonna come and that I’m not gonna stop talkin’ about Jesus and my faith, then I gotta expect what’s promised to come, put my big girl panties on and be prepared.
At this point, I gotta ask myself.
Key, what you gone do?
Trials ain’t nothing new.
They come to believers and non believers, too.
But for us believers, we got hope.
Something that had me straight smiling to myself like a lunatic the other day.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.”
–James 1:2-4 • New Living Translation (NLT)
Here’s the same verses above, but in the EASY version (I love comparing versions in the Bible app.. y’all it’s such a cool tool.. please try it!)
My Christian friends, remember to be happy, even when many kinds of trouble happen to you. Troubles can help you. God wants to see if you really trust him. Your faith in God will become stronger as a result of these troubles. So you should continue to trust God all the way to the end. Then you will grow as a believer. You will become completely how you should be. You will not need anything more.
That right there should encourage every single one of us. For real!
I was talking to God in my car this week and said you know what?
Imma stop saying what I can’t do. Even though I’m right when I can check off allll the things I can’t do. But instead of saying that, I will stand firm on that fact that yes, I can’t, but I can do ALLLL things through Christ and last time I checked the Bible, I didn’t see no exceptions before or after the word ALL.
Because of that I can accept the trials as they come and no matter what, I can wake up everyday depending on Jesus for help and choosing Jesus over anything else.
So even when I feel mad and wanna go in on someone, imma choose Jesus.
When I wanna call somebody I got no business reaching out to, imma choose Jesus.
When I’m scared and panicked and think I can’t go on, imma choose Jesus because He already told me that in this world, I’ll have many trials and even sorrows, but to take heart because He’s overcome the world! (John 16:33•NLT)
Is Key gonna trust Key or is she gonna trust the One that tells no lies?
What are YOU gone do?
If you’re with me and you’re saying you’ll trust Him, well go ahead and DO IT THEN!
(*Side note* “do it then” was a phrase coined by Art Williams… find his ‘Just Do It’ speech on YouTube; I be wearing that phrase out lol!)
Before I wrap up talking ya head off, I wanted to share something that I felt would encourage anyone reading that may be having a hard day, week, or season.
I was cleaning some stuff I had in a container and I saw a copy of my all time most favorite poem that I believe had an anonymous author.
Some may be familiar with it, some may not. It’s called Footprints:
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
I just love that.
Another thing I love? My sweet little nephew (and yes, if his mama is reading this, he is sweet). He’s started reaching for me when I pass him. I pick him up and most times he lets me hold him and when he’s putting it on thick with his tee tee, he’ll lay his head right on my chest. And I just kiss his little head and smile.
Get like my nephew.
We are never ever too old to reach for Jesus. Let Him carry you and just relax and lay your head on His chest. He took on the cross and the sins of the whole world. Your burdens? You think He can’t handle THAT? He can shoulder them just fine, so let Him. Reach and rest. Just reach and rest.
My Lord, my God, I can’t say I love trials. I’m not quite there yet. But when I look back over my life, every single trial or difficulty I faced produced something big. And to be honest, I wouldn’t change a thing.
My biggest heartbreak 3 years ago, led to me finding my biggest voice.
When my grandfather died, it broke my entire heart, but looking back now, it helped me appreciate the good good gift You give of family and how I should appreciate every single family member and friend you’ve blessed me with because life is so fleeting.
I experienced a layoff which scared the mess out of me, but it stretched me and helped my trust in You increase. Then what happened? I landed in the exact department I always wanted to be in.
In my baby Ethan, though I did not want to be a parent in college, unmarried and straight embarrassed, You’ve shown me grace, patience, love and lots of laughs. Ethan is my biggest blessing and teaches me my biggest life lessons.
You my God, turn graves into gardens and trade beauty for ashes. You God, are good and You are with me in every trial, so I need to look to You to see me through it.
My dad ALWAYS says to me, “God is in control.” He lives by that and you know what? You right dad. So because You God are indeed in control, I don’t have to stress and I don’t have to fear.
Holy Spirit, You who helps me to remember every word spoken by God, help me to get that Word deep down in me so that when the pressure comes and I’m squeezed, doubt and complaining will be replaced with trust not in my strength or my ability, but in complete and total trust in my great Defender.
I want to stand on the Word.
I want to believe You God and I want to live like I believe You God.
I gotta start doing that because the world is watching and I want to give the world something to talk about—-You.
This right here is goooood!!!!